Okay, so it’s not bad enough that 2016 took David Bowie and Prince and Muhammad Ali and George Michael and a bunch of other awesome people, in addition to giving us President-Elect Trump (seriously, 2016, you’re a bastard). But now it had to take CARRIE FISHER?
Damn all of this. Carrie Fisher, you were a beautiful and funny lady, and you will be missed so much.
My mom gets really irritated when I describe a white person as being white, so I like to do it every chance I get.
Because I am actually a 12-year-old boy, when I saw the sign on my drive home last night advertising “Steel Erection,” I immediately thought of Superman.
So, today, my comic book store boss and my funeral home boss will meet for the first time.
… although this post title is.
Hi, everybody! I’m not dead or even in a coma, but it has been very busy at work, and also I did Thanksgiving (you guys should try my mashed potatoes with caramelized onions, because they are so good), so Internetting has been about the last thing on my mind.
But I’m back, and I’m sorry, and I went to Moana with my daughter last weekend, because sometimes she makes me go to Disney movies. (I guess our only other option was the new Harry Potter minus Harry Potter thing, but, then again, Eddie Redmayne is really pretty.)
So, Moana! Here’s some things I love about it:
- Casting actual Pacific Islanders to voice-act. That’s cool.
- The song the crab sings.
- Dwayne Johnson is finally the sexiest man alive, like, jeez, what took so long? Were you waiting for him to not be alive?
- Auli’i Cravalho has a gorgeous voice.
Also, the plot was fine, and I’m pretty sure they got the Maui myth about right (I’m sorry, but I’m not as up on my Pacific Island mythology/folklore as I should be!), and the stupid chicken was even stupider than the chicken I had when I was a kid, so that was good.
My daughter says it was really good and you should go watch it, and I’ll just say: Yeah, it was fine.
Yeah, so, apparently Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher had a torrid affair during the filming of Star Wars, which would be cool, because, like, wow! Han and Leia were really in love, that’s great, but it’s not cool because Harrison Ford was totally married and Carrie Fisher was totally only 19, and now one of my favorite movie romances is ruined!
Thank God I have my other favorite movie romance to fall back on.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where people wouldn’t vote for someone who gives them an easy scapegoat for all their problems.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where people wouldn’t vote for someone who treats women as objects.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where people wouldn’t vote for someone who says if we give the rich tax breaks, it will benefit the poor.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where people wouldn’t vote for someone who insults disabled people, and women, and dark-skinned people, and anyone who isn’t exactly like him.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where people wouldn’t vote for a hatemonger.
I had hoped that I lived in a country where my neighbors wouldn’t tell their daughter that “Hillary kills babies” and “Obama is a terrorist.”
I had hoped that I lived in a country where the woman I met at my work who described her own granddaughter as “the little darkie” was the exception, not the rule.
I don’t live in that country. I am ashamed of us. I am ashamed of myself for not being able to convince more people that love should triumph, not hatred.
Today, I am ashamed.
Tomorrow, I will carry on.
Dear My Country:
Please don’t vote for evil, or you will make this hamster sad.
I thank you, and these baby hamsters thank you.
… is the one who added the Twin Peaks theme to the playlist at work.
The other day, someone dropped something on my mother’s toe around 7 in the morning. At 7 in the evening, when she informed me of this injury, it was still bleeding.
“Have you gone to the doctor?” I said.
“No,” she said.
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor?” I said.
“No, I’ll be fine,” she said.
“Your toe is seeping blood at an alarming rate,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to a doctor?”
“No, I’ve got a bandage on it.”
“Well, fine, then,” I said. “Just don’t exsanguinate in your sleep.”
“I will try not to do … that,” my mother replied.