I’m so excited that if I wasn’t at work, I’d be literally squeeing myself with joy!
Universal Studios is going to restore FIFTEEN WHOLE SILENT MOVIES! FIFTEEN! That’s way more than you would expect, because who watches silent films anymore except for me? (Well, and my daughter, because I make her.)
The only way I could be happier is if I finally finished my time machine so I could go and meet Buster Keaton.
We get a lot of obituaries/memorial programs/poems here at the funeral home that have been written in some godawful illegible font. Sure, you think it looks fancy, but if you have to rely on a fancy font to make your writing pretty, then maybe you should stop writing. What I want is for everyone to use the best font of all: Times New Roman. 10 point is best, but 12 point is OK too.
Papyrus is also okay, but only for really special occasions.
I want someone to write a sci-fi show that I enjoy, because they will obviously hire Bear McCreary to do the music for it, because I just don’t want to watch The Walking Dead and Constantine.
I want to see Snowpiercer. I want to see Snowpiercer so bad. I want to live in a state that will be getting Snowpiercer, so I could go see it. I want one of you to go and see it and record it on your cell phone and send it to me and I will watch it, out-of-focus, popcorn-crunching and all.
I want to get H. Jon Benjamin in a room alone and make him say things to me.
Almost any words.
I don’t know whether Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange in The Fifth Estate is supposed to be a towhead, silver fox or what, but all I know is now that I’ve seen him with really white hair, he absolutely has to play Elijah Snow in the live-action Planetary movie that lives in my head.
I want my Alvin Karpis biography to arrive, like, now.
Of all the Depression-era criminals, I find him and Harry “Handsome Harry” “Pete” Pierpont to be the most interesting, but hardly anybody writes books about not Dillinger.
Luckily for me, Alvin Karpis, “Old Creepy” himself, wrote a book about not Dillinger! I’m so excited!
What new, torrid secrets will be revealed?
How did he hook up with the Barker gang?
Why did he have a 16-year-old (ewwwww) girlfriend?
What was it like being the longest-serving inmate at Alcatraz?
I’m just SO EXCITED.
My daughter thinks my blog should have more photos of Robo Hamsters and, because I haven’t been feeling very funny lately (possibly because I work at a funeral home and there are just so many dead people here), I have decided to heed her advice:
Also, please know that if you would like to buy my affection, giving me a Robo Hamster (plus cage, bedding and food) would be a good place to start.
It’s actually short for “Roborovski,” not “Robot.”