Airplane movies

August 16, 2017 at 10:22 am (Randomosity) (, , , , , , , , )

So here’s the thing. I love Japan, but I hate flying there. Luckily for me, the airplane was playing one of the best movies of our, or indeed ANY, generation.

That movie is The Fate of the Furious. It’s, like, the 27th Fast and the Furious movie or something, I don’t know. And I don’t care, because it is wonderful.

I mean a submarine tries to kill cars! How is that not the greatest?

It’s got The Rock and he is constantly lifting people up and throwing them and also he somehow throws a moving torpedo with his bare hands?

“It is literally impossible for me to shrug.”

It’s got Michelle Rodriguez and her rippling biceps and the totally fakey way she gets her car to do stuff.

You can bench press me any time, Michelle. *winks*

It’s got Jason Statham doing, like, a ballet sequence with shooting.

“One two jete, one two plie….”

It’s got Charlize Theron in the awfulest wig ever.

If this is her real hair, please don’t say and ruin Charlize Theron for me.

It’s got Helen Mirren.

“Helen, you are the amazingest, sexiest woman in this movie, and that’s saying a lot, because have you seen Michelle and Charlize?”

And, best of best: Kurt Russell is there.

Being awesome, as Kurt Russell does.

So it is the best movie ever! The plot is something like Vin Diesel has teamed up with Charlize Theron’s wig to do bad things, and then The Rock has to throw people at him and Michelle Rodriguez has to be badass and Jason Statham has to dance, and whatever the other characters are doing.

But who cares because THE ROCK PICKS UP SO MANY PEOPLE AND THROWS THEM.

For God’s sake, just pick up Vin Diesel and throw him already!!

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Moana wasn’t terrible

November 30, 2016 at 11:02 am (Randomosity) (, , , , , , )

… although this post title is.

“Your post title is bad, and you’re bad.”

Hi, everybody! I’m not dead or even in a coma, but it has been very busy at work, and also I did Thanksgiving (you guys should try my mashed potatoes with caramelized onions, because they are so good), so Internetting has been about the last thing on my mind.

But I’m back, and I’m sorry, and I went to Moana with my daughter last weekend, because sometimes she makes me go to Disney movies. (I guess our only other option was the new Harry Potter minus Harry Potter thing, but, then again, Eddie Redmayne is really pretty.)

I HAVE A THING FOR PEOPLE WITH HIGH CHEEKBONES, OKAY?

I HAVE A THING FOR PEOPLE WITH HIGH CHEEKBONES, OKAY?

So, Moana! Here’s some things I love about it:

  1. Casting actual Pacific Islanders to voice-act. That’s cool.
  2. The song the crab sings.
  3. Dwayne Johnson is finally the sexiest man alive, like, jeez, what took so long? Were you waiting for him to not be alive?
  4. Auli’i Cravalho has a gorgeous voice.

Also, the plot was fine, and I’m pretty sure they got the Maui myth about right (I’m sorry, but I’m not as up on my Pacific Island mythology/folklore as I should be!), and the stupid chicken was even stupider than the chicken I had when I was a kid, so that was good.

Makes you feel pretty okay with eating 'em.

Makes you feel pretty okay about eating ’em.

My daughter says it was really good and you should go watch it, and I’ll just say: Yeah, it was fine.

Look,

Look, “I didn’t hate it” is high praise for a Disney flick from me.

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