We could totally, like, talk about clothes and stuff

October 20, 2009 at 4:37 pm (Top Ten) (American Gladiators, Battlestar Galactica, Chuck, Leverage, Smallville, Veronica Mars, X-Files)

So, I know I’m always going on about pretty men, but there’s a whole plethora of awesome television ladies that I consider my best television girlfriends FOREVAH!

Why? Well, because I don’t particularly have any real friends, that’s why.

Anyway, here’s a list. (*sob*)

1. Sarah from Chuck. She’s so pretty. She kicks so much ass. She makes me want to join the CIA and save the world too. Also, she gets to hang out with Chuck and Casey, which would be fun. Not that I’m considering just spending time with her to get their numbers or something.

Awesome hair is also a quality I look for in a best TV friend and you, Sarah, have got it in spades.

2. Tricia Helfer from anything she’s been in. (Except Two and a Half Men, because does she really need the paycheck that badly?!) From her awe-inspiring turn as Six on Battlestar Galactica to her guest spot on Burn Notice to that one episode of Chuck she was on, Tricia Helfer is gorgeous, ass-kicking and seems like she would be really fun to take out for margaritas. Please hang out with me, Tricia Helfer! We could be such great friends!

This was the LEAST SEXY photo of Tricia Helfer I could find, and it's still pretty damn sexy.

3. Jillian from The Biggest Loser. I’m not a big reality TV show fan, but my mother always sucks me into the Loser drama. Also, Jillian is soooo cool, the way she’s mean to all those fatties! Beat me like you beat the fatties, Jillian! I deserve it!

My, Jillian, what giant biceps you have. Seriously. They're huge. I love you.

4. Parker from Leverage. Parker is a pretty blonde thief who is crazy. I would totally pull off a daring daylight heist with her (yes, I am totally all about daring daylight heists at this juncture in time). If she thinks I’d screw it up for her, I would be willing to treat her to some ice cream instead. Call me, Parker!

Parker! You! Are! Just! So! Cute! Ice cream? My treat?

5. Scully from the X-Files. Petite, redheaded, brave, smart, gorgeous. I had a girl-crush on Scully before the word girl-crush existed. I’m too cowardly to fight monsters, but I would be totally willing to listen to her phone calls bitching about that damn Fox Mulder dragging her into another mess.

Dana Scully, launcher of a thousand internet fan fics.

6. Chloe from Smallville. Smallville is a mess. A real tragedy of a show. Not because it’s meant to be a tragedy, but because it could be so much more. That said, there’s one thing worth watching it for, and that’s Chloe Sullivan, who recently gave up on journalism because the Smallvile writers hate her. You can do better, Allison Mack! I love you!

I mean, I know Superman's your best friend and all, but he's still really hung up on that horrid Lana Lang, and I think we really connect, you know?

7. Crush from American Gladiators. She has the. Coolest. Hair. Love the corset-style costume! Also, she’s called Crush because she can crush you like the grape you are. Squish! That’s you! Squish! Not me, though, ’cause we’re friends.

Like grapes, bitches.

8. Lisa Cuddy from House. Oh, Cuddy. You put up with House’s shenanigans like such a trooper! Also, you have a great body and you’re beautiful. Can you give me beauty tips? We could talk about Hugh Laurie together. It would be awesome.

Look, technically, I know you're wayyyy too cool to hang with me, but you seem like the sort who's willing to settle. Friends?

9. “Hot Lips” Houlihan. Squee! That’s what I said when my girl Margaret and Hawkeye Pierce kissed for, like, 10 minutes in the last episode of M*A*S*H. It was the culmination of many childhood dreams for me. Margaret, call me. We’ll go out for some beers.

Yes! I will tell you funny jokes that make you laugh that hard, Margaret!

10. Veronica Mars from Veronica Mars. A scrappy little blonde detective who solved her best friend’s murder, all while being socially isolated at school. The episode where she stood up for a bullied girl by snarking at her own bullies made me realize: the writers of this episode either know the coolest teenagers ever or they totally don’t know any teenagers at all. In any case, I was smitten. Too bad she’s already got the best BFF already: Wallace. That’s okay, though. I am willing to take sloppy best friend seconds.

I would never come between you guys.