Why you should never assume
When you assume, you make an ass out of “um” and “e.”
Those guys hate that.
You could probably make an ass out of ume, too, but they’d probably taste better in a pie.
Just how hard would that bucket need to be kicked anyway?
He kicked the bucket, by which I mean: If there were a bucket and he were to have kicked it, he would have had to do it so hard that the bucket flew backward and impaled him or something, because what I actually mean is he bought the farm.
Errrr, no, not that one.
What are opinions like?
Opinions are like assholes.
You’re an asshole.
In addition, I don't respect your opinion.
What are they dropping like?
They’re dropping like flies. Flies with some sort of disease. Yeah, some sort of fly disease that … kills flies.
These flies seem OK, though, but they'll start coughing soon.
Hollywood Hates Me 