Why you should never assume

September 19, 2012 at 9:19 am (I Rewrite Cliches)

When you assume, you make an ass out of “um” and “e.”

Those guys hate that.

You could probably make an ass out of ume, too, but they’d probably taste better in a pie.

 

 

 

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Just how hard would that bucket need to be kicked anyway?

August 10, 2011 at 9:05 am (I Rewrite Cliches)

He kicked the bucket, by which I mean: If there were a bucket and he were to have kicked it, he would have had to do it so hard that the bucket flew backward and impaled him or something, because what I actually mean is he bought the farm.

Errrr, no, not that one.

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What are opinions like?

February 10, 2011 at 5:53 pm (I Rewrite Cliches)

Opinions are like assholes.

You’re an asshole.

In addition, I don't respect your opinion.

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What are they dropping like?

January 28, 2011 at 12:04 pm (I Rewrite Cliches)

They’re dropping like flies. Flies with some sort of disease. Yeah, some sort of fly disease that … kills flies.

These flies seem OK, though, but they'll start coughing soon.

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