Q. Why Great Wall you guys?
A. Because why not take everything I would love in a modern movie — action, monsters, an attractive Asian cast — and toss a steaming pile of Matt Damon right on in there?
Q. So, another haunted doll movie, what?
A. I told you guys that Hollywood hates me.
Q. Would a loving God really allow a movie like Annabelle to exist?
A. The world is a cold and hard place, and God wants you to suffer.
Q. Why the Edge of Tomorrow?
A. Because if you have to see a Tom Cruise movie, it should be one where he dies over and over and over.
Q. What does the clown-faced serial killer leaning over your bed in the middle of the night say when you ask him what happened to your pet Peke-a-Poo?
Q. Why a Taken 2?
A. To prove to doubters that even Liam Neeson can’t punch every movie into awesomeness.
A. Right, because, really, people do still watch those.
Q. So, Magic Mike is a movie about male strippers, apparently.
A. I think it’s nice that they’re letting Channing Tatum’s chest carry a movie.
Q. What’s worse than a power failure?
A. A power failure at a funeral home.
Q. So we get two Snow White movies this year, and one has to have Julia Roberts in it?
A. Are you guys sure we needed two Snow White movies?