Why didn’t I like White Collar?

November 24, 2009 at 12:21 pm (Randomosity) (Chuck, Ninja, TV that annoys, White Collar, zombies)

I haven’t been watching much TV lately. Reruns of Leverage on occasion, the occasional Biggest Loser episode. (I’m an addict! I can’t stop myself! I feel so unclean!) Mostly, I’m just biding my time until Chuck returns (NBC didn’t bring it back early and no one told me, right? RIGHT?).

But I’d heard about this show, White Collar, right? And it’s got Bryce Larkin from Chuck, right? And he’s playing this con man who works for the FBI. I’m like, hey! Con man, FBI? The explosions are practically guaranteed.

And then someone would throw themselves through the air seconds before things burst into flames.

Sadly, after watching two episodes, I saw there was only one explosion and it was really lame. Also, it was telegraphed from 20 miles away. As. Was. Everything. Else.

I went into the show expecting some fun times. A little con here, a little gunplay there, a little Bryce Larkin doing cool spy stuff.

You know, like bleeding all over a computer.

Wrong. Damn. Show.

There was no conning. Well, hardly any conning. No interesting conning, anyway. No gunplay. I mean, it is called “White Collar,” which is like, what, business crimes? But still, guns!! And did Bryce Larkin do anything interesting??! No! He moped about his girlfriend who is a trapped in a really boring season-long side arc/his lameass motivation and smirked a bit.

Not that there's anything wrong with his smirk, it's just not as entertaining as watching him jump over stuff and shoot people.

And, to add insult to injury, the pilot featured that guy. That guy has been in episodes of my favorite shows (Battlestar Galactica, Burn Notice, Leverage) and I didn’t like him then! What made White Collar think I would like him in a much, much weaker show? Look, I know you Fireflyers/Whedonites have a soft spot for that guy, but he always plays the same smarmy guy, which is fine and hooray for finding a niche, but stop being on every show, Jesus.

Seriously, I am sick of seeing you on my television screen.

Plus (and this was really annoying), White Collar cast Tiffani Thiessen as the boring FBI guy’s boring perfect wife, and so the whole time, I kept going, “Hey, when did she drop the -Amber?”

And the suspenders! What happened to the suspenders?!

I was considering watching a third episode to see if things picked up, but then I decided no, because if a television show can’t do a fashion week episode and make me care, then what could they possibly do to improve it? Zombies and ninjas can’t save everything, you know.