Why didn’t I like White Collar?

November 24, 2009 at 12:21 pm (Randomosity) (, , , , )

I haven’t been watching much TV lately. Reruns of Leverage on occasion, the occasional Biggest Loser episode. (I’m an addict! I can’t stop myself! I feel so unclean!) Mostly, I’m just biding my time until Chuck returns (NBC didn’t bring it back early and no one told me, right? RIGHT?).

But I’d heard about this show, White Collar, right? And it’s got Bryce Larkin from Chuck, right? And he’s playing this con man who works for the FBI. I’m like, hey! Con man, FBI? The explosions are practically guaranteed.

And then someone would throw themselves through the air seconds before things burst into flames.

Sadly, after watching two episodes, I saw there was only one explosion and it was really lame. Also, it was telegraphed from 20 miles away. As. Was. Everything. Else.

I went into the show expecting some fun times. A little con here, a little gunplay there, a little Bryce Larkin doing cool spy stuff.

You know, like bleeding all over a computer.

Wrong. Damn. Show.

There was no conning. Well, hardly any conning. No interesting conning, anyway. No gunplay. I mean, it is called “White Collar,” which is like, what, business crimes? But still, guns!! And did Bryce Larkin do anything interesting??! No! He moped about his girlfriend who is a trapped in a really boring season-long side arc/his lameass motivation and smirked a bit.

Not that there's anything wrong with his smirk, it's just not as entertaining as watching him jump over stuff and shoot people.

And, to add insult to injury, the pilot featured that guy. That guy has been in episodes of my favorite shows (Battlestar Galactica, Burn Notice, Leverage) and I didn’t like him then! What made White Collar think I would like him in a much, much weaker show? Look, I know you Fireflyers/Whedonites have a soft spot for that guy, but he always plays the same smarmy guy, which is fine and hooray for finding a niche, but stop being on every show, Jesus.

Seriously, I am sick of seeing you on my television screen.

Plus (and this was really annoying), White Collar cast Tiffani Thiessen as the boring FBI guy’s boring perfect wife, and so the whole time, I kept going, “Hey, when did she drop the -Amber?”

And the suspenders! What happened to the suspenders?!

I was considering watching a third episode to see if things picked up, but then I decided no, because if a television show can’t do a fashion week episode and make me care, then what could they possibly do to improve it? Zombies and ninjas can’t save everything, you know.



  1. Travis said,

    Chuck is coming back Sunday January 10th with 2 episodes! With another new episode on Monday the 11th! 🙂

    Also… I made it into the one-acts this year! You may be pleased to hear that 2 of the other scripts were written by (local) women. And another one was written by a 14 year old boy.

    • lokifire said,

      Pleased? I’m literally envious with jealousy.
      I wasn’t writing plays that were produceable when I was 14! (Nor am I really doing so now, sigh.)
      What’s your play about?

  2. Travis said,

    Even better is that I read a couple of early drafts of the young man’s script and it’s pretty darn good.

    My script is a sequel to the first one-act I had produced (Mel & Al Gordon: Paranormal Private Investigators) — this one is a time-travel story. 😀

  3. everythingshiny said,

    Aw, White Collar isn’t THAT bad. I mean, it’s unoriginal and predictable and the storylines are dull, but the relationship and banter between Neal and Peter is a constant source of amusement. To me, anyway.

    And I like Mark Sheppard, and it makes me happy when he randomly shows up on my TV screen. And I still call him Badger every time. (He was in Bionic Woman as well, btw.)

    And I wondered the exact same thing about the Amber. Random.

    • lokifire said,

      I feel like I should give it another try because I don’t think they were hitting their pace with the banter in the first couple episodes, but … well, Chuck’s back, and I don’t need another show now.

  4. Not you too, Chuck! « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] 30, 2010 at 2:43 pm (Two-sentence Reviews) (Chuck) Q. Why did you have to go and cast that guy as a villain for season three? Seriously, what? Is he the go-to guy for ANNOYING […]

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