The Scarecrow vs. The Scarecrow

August 1, 2011 at 5:11 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (Batman, Cillian Murphy, Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz, Two-Face)

Lately, I’ve been neglecting to fill this blog with photographs of Cillian Murphy. I shall now remedy the situation by having his character in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight face off against a scarecrow of a different color: The scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

Cillian Murphy! (This has nothing to do with the Scarecrow. I just enjoy looking at him.)

As far as background, both characters go by “Scarecrow,” but only one is played by Cillian Murphy. For convenience sake, let’s call The Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz Scarecrow and The Scarecrow from Batman Scarecrow (B).

Let’s get to battlin’.

Physicality. Scarecrow is a scarecrow. Scarecrow (B) was played by Cillian Murphy in the movies that I thought got kind of boring, but everybody else really seemed to like a lot. Winner? Cillian Murphy.

I like that he's smiling in this picture. Also, I like that it's a picture of Cillian Murphy.

Is evil? If there’s one thing the folks in the DC Universe are good at, it’s giving Batman some awfully wicked foes to fight. (I didn’t say they’re always good at it.) Scarecrow (B) is one of those foes, who likes to spray his victims with some kind of fear gas that I would know more about if Two-Face wasn’t my favorite Batman villain. Scarecrow Seems like a nice enough guy. Then again, he is a scarecrow. But not a scarecrow with fear gas. Winner? Scarecrow (B).

Awwww, but he's so cute here.

Lives in a magical land filled with wonder? Scarecrow (B) lives in Gotham City, which I think is the penal colony version of New York City. So it’s filled with something, all right. Just not wonder. Scarecrow lives in Oz, where nobody ever dies (except when L. Frank Baum forgets that rule and someone dies) and no one grows old (see last paranthesis) and there is magic and wonder all over the place. Winner? Scarecrow (W).

Like, you know, talking scarecrows.

Faces a greater adversary? I’ve been using the word “foe” a lot, eh? Adversary it is. Scarecrow has to face off against a powerful evil witch. That seems like it would be troublesome, but it turns out she’s like those stupid aliens in that stupid movie and stupid stupid M. Night Shyamalan. Anyway, she’s totally defeated when someone splashes water on her, which, gosh, is even easier than sucker punching somebody.

"Sure, Helen, I'd love to stop by for a visit, but it's raining. And you know how rain kills me!"

Scarecrow (B) has to fight Batman. Well, he doesn’t have to, but he’s crazy and a villain, so he does. And we all know there’s no tougher opponent than Batman. Winner? Scarecrow (B).

Inserted for your pleasure: A gratuitous photo of Batman.

Has brains? Scarecrow (B) has brains. Scarecrow gets bilked out of his rightful brains by a phony wizard, who doesn’t even open the head of one of the witch’s flying monkeys and scoop a bowl out for the poor bastard. Winner? Scarecrow (B).

The Internet had more pictures of monkey brains than I would have imagined. I'm back from throwing up now.

Has better friends? Scarecrow befriends a little girl named Dorothy, a cowardly lion named The Cowardly Lion and the tin man named the Tin Man. Oz was a very literal place.

Literally a PRISON, that is. Ha ha ha ha ... sighhhh.

Anyway, they all go on adventures, murder a witch and become the bestest of friends. Scarecrow (B) is a sociopath. Some sociopaths have friends, maybe, but they’re probably thinking that any moment they’re going to get stabbed in the eye, so I’ll bet they’re not the kind of friends who help someone move. Winner? Scarecrow (W).

"Well, gosh, Jonathan, I'd help you move, but I'm catsitting for the Joker right now."

Ends up ruling a kingdom? Scarecrow (B), like so many of Batman’s enemies, ends up in Arkham Asylum a lot. Which isn’t so much a kingdom as a mental instution that is also haunted. Also, he doesn’t really rule it so much as rot in a cell. On the other hand, Scarecrow ends up ruling, I don’t know, the Winkies or some damn body. Winner? Scarecrow (W).

Didn’t get ruined by the live-action movies, like my favorite villain, Two-Face, did? Hey, you can’t go wrong when you cast Cillian Murphy as anybody. He’s brilliant. Ummmm, and Scarecrow wasn’t ruined by the movie either, but I’m still going with: Winner? Scarecrow (B).

He's a tragic figure, dammit! Why can't anyone get that right?

Overall winner? Gotham City’s terror at night: Jonathan Crane.

Oh, right, I could've called him that instead of Scarecrow (B). Well, too late now.