We now interrupt my slap-fest …

May 3, 2010 at 2:51 pm (Top Ten) (, , , , , , , , , , )

To bring you this breaking Top Ten list.


Because somebody read one of my “Keanu Reeves sucks” posts and said this:

“Keanu is part Chinese, and Asians are generally known for their unexpressiveness when compared to their Caucasian counterparts. Keanu has a lot of fans in Asia, and here there are far fewer jibes at his lack of expression than I see in Western magazines and websites.”

Because apparently, Asian people’s faces are genetically programmed to be less expressive than their “Caucasian counterparts.” I mean, that’s what this person is saying, right? Because if they mean it’s a cultural thing, then KEANU REEVES STILL HAS NO EXCUSE BECAUSE HE IS FROM AMERICA.

Here’s a list of actors that proves this theory is a pile of steaming poo. (Much like Keanu’s attempts to act, Christ!)

1. Takeshi Kaneshiro. Takeshi Kaneshiro is the anti-Keanu. He’s just as good-looking, but he’s not a boring plank of wood. Also, he can speak, like, two dozen languages, and Keanu has trouble with one.

And like he would even need to bother, I mean, he's made of rainbows and sunshine and all the other miracles of God's creation.

2. Jet Li. Jet Li has it all: mad kung fu skillz, good looks and the ability to out-act most actors in Hollywood.

And a gaze of STEEL.

3. Ziyi Zhang. Is also gorgeous, slick with the kung fu and dancing, and ooooh, she can act in English and Chinese.

AND kick your ass.

4. Jackie Chan. I love Jackie Chan so much! (Not the way his career is going as he reaches his golden years. You deserve so much better, Jackie!) Despite being inspired by “The Great Stone Face,” Buster Keaton, Jackie Chan is anything but unexpressive.

He is one of the best physical comedians EVER, and I love him for it.

5. Kenichi Matsuyama. Kenichi is a very pretty man who happens to be able to act.

Don't you just want to feed this boy?

6. Michelle Yeoh. Yes, I watch a lot of movies where people are ass-kicking action heroes. Michelle Yeoh is one of the ass-kickingest of all. She’s beautiful and ACTS.

At least, when you're skewered, you can be grateful you were killed by someone this beautiful.

7. Chow Yun Fat. This is a guy I always think of as being able to whip out the complete works of The Bard on command. He’s just so classy! And talented.

I mean, look at him! CLASSY.

8. Tatsuya Fujiwara. My misgivings about the shape of his head aside, this guy did a great job portraying Light Yagami in the Death Note movies.

I don't get why he's such a heart-throb in Japan, but whatever.

9. Sandra Oh. I have the opportunity to mention Last Night a second time on this blog! What a great film! What a great performance! It’s such a shame that Sandra Oh needs a steady paycheck, or perhaps she wouldn’t be stuck on Grey’s Anatomy.

I understand, Sandra. We all need to eat.

10. Pat “Mr. Miyagi” Morita. We can’t omit the greatest. From Karate Kid to M*A*S*H, Morita bought a sensitivity to each role that Keanu Reeves could never, ever, EVER in his wildest dreams attempt to emulate.

Pat Morita is a god among men. I say that with the utmost sincerity.



  1. ckage said,

    You do realize that (except maybe for Jackie Chan, who plays his parts in an over-expressive tone) anybody could come up here and complain about all those actors having the same damned expression all the time. All it would take would be the fitting amount of spite and prejudice against those actors. You do realize this, right?… Right? Ok…

    Just wanted to clear that out. Excuse the interruption. Your personal spite and prejudice against KR can now continue.

    • lokifire said,

      Yes, anybody could. And anybody did.
      Thank you, anybody.

  2. dangerousmeredith said,

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I think all these actors are very good and poor old Keanu is a bit dull

    • lokifire said,

      “A bit dull” is a very nice way to say it.

  3. A. Big Snail said,

    Just saying…
    …Keanu isn’t from America. He was born in Beruit, Lebanon and holds Canadian citizenship. He doesn’t have an American citizenship.
    btw I was quoting from Anakin McFly, the founder of the Keanu SWAT team.

    • lokifire said,

      I’m impressed (and a little terrified) by your devotion to and knowledge of all things Keanu Reeves-related.

  4. A. Big Snail said,

    You should see the rest of the Keanu SWAT team. I only joined very recently.

    • lokifire said,

      Er, no, I’m good. Thanks.

  5. A. Big Snail said,

    ckage is from K-SWAT.

  6. andragel said,

    Happens to be a nice Keanu Reeves who feels disgusted by all those articles.Keanu doesn’t sucks just because you said so.Not just beacause a bunch of people said so. He doesn’t sucks cuz he is such a great person,really rare for our world.
    Keanu,I bet, is smarter than all those actors , his IQ being somewhere near 160.Being such a smart person, he is also not involved in those Hollywood bussiness , and all those people are really frustrated not being able to know EVERYTHING about K C. He never criticize people or actors , he is also well known for donating huge percents from his salary in order to help the studios. If he helps some people,he isn’t again THAT guy who donate just for fun. He supports cancer because this was his sister’s problem. Also, he hadn;t an easy life. His babygirl died and,later, his ex-girlfriend died in a car accident. But he didn’t run to newspaper to cry and receive compassion. He kept all this pain for himself. And here you are, big assholes, who just do things whitout relevance.
    There are lots of people who like him and apreciate his hard work as actor but as human too.

  7. JanieD said,

    I’m with you about Keanu (it rhymes). I don’t really care much for him. Being Asian is not an excuse to not have any expression whatsoever (as you have proved), and he isn’t even good looking to make up for it.

    Stephen Chow’s also a good example.

    • Smitty said,

      Stephen Chow is a hot Asian… Very expressive face…. I love my Asians.

  8. sacadalang said,

    …ooops… I wouldn’t know about that because in my part of the world, in Asia, we are very expressive as a rule … this post is fun to read, and I’m tickled that Kaneshiro Takeshi is at number 1 here because my liking for him is definitely steadily rising … but Keanu Reeves is also among my top favorites, been liking him long before I knew he’s part Asian … Asia is a frightfully large place and so I’m sure there are lots of less famous actresses/actors out there who are as talented and/or skilled, if not more, as the best in Hollywood, and even (to) the 10 here … though I also love this list ❤ thanks ⭐

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: