I’m not on fire for Catching Fire
Ugh. I’m sorry about that. Sometimes post titles are just hard.
Sometimes captions are hard too.
Anyway!
The Hunger Games sequel! That’s great! I mean, the first one was all about kids having to murder other kids, but because this is a sequel, they can’t possibly do the exact same thing again! *Reads plot synopsis*
“Yeah, hold on a minute while I murder some kids here, OK?”
Dammit.
Seriously: What is wrong with you people? Why do we have a second movie with kids killing other kids? Who wants to watch that? GAHHHHHHH child murder!
I mean, Battle Royale at least makes sense because Japan, but come on, guys.
So, a bunch of kids get murdered, you say?
Yeah, I won’t be watching The Hunger Games this weekend.
Even though I do think Young Mystique is really pretty with dark hair and a bow.
(I also won’t be reading it, it turns out, even though it appears to be a well-written, interesting book.)
I've heard the writer was on some sort of crazy diet when she wrote it and had some sort of crazed obsession with food, which probably explains the title a bit.
I know, I know. “What is your problem?” I can hear you guys asking. (That, or I’ve had a psychotic break. Whichever.)
Anyway, my problem is this: When I asked all the teenagers I know (which is, you know, several teenagers), “Do all the kids die in the end?”, they were all like, “Well, yes, actually.”
And here’s the thing: I read Battle Royale. Or I tried to, anyway. I couldn’t finish it, because they kept killing all those kids. (And, yes, I know it was stupid of me to expect anything else from a series with a premise like “So a class of kids is taken off to this mysterious island, where they participate in a battle royale, leaving only one survivor,” but I kept thinking, “But not the basketball player, right? The basketball player’s a good kid! He’ll get out of this all right, won’t he? Right? Right?” [Spoiler alert: the basketball player does not get out of it all right.]) So I had to give up Battle Royale, unfinished. (I really liked the basketball player.)
Now, I don't mean to ruin the ending for anyone, but I'm pretty sure almost everyone dies. You know, premise and all.
And now you tell me The Hunger Games has a bunch of even younger kids facing off against each other in a … Battle Royale of sorts?
Do any of them -- *sniffle* -- play basketball?
So, yeah, I think I’ll be skipping it.
(Because I’m a wuss, that’s why.)
"One of the kids drowns in his own blood after he's shot in the throat with an arrow," the teenagers I know gleefully told me.
Jerks.
Hollywood Hates Me 